i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
