i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will be naked everywhere
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I party with great urgency now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
