If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
