Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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