If i come over, it means nothing
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
