I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
