someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
