I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
