and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize