I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
