just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
