Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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