You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
