One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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