I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
