dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
