it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
