So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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