why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize