I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
