Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
