Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize