Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This baby is an asshole
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize