I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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