Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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