Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
