Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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