Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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