I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
