you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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