what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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