..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
