The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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