'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
