Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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