addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
