Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dick very happy bro
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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