All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
