I will die if light touches me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
