I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
