I'm sorry my penis didn't work
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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