we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
