Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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