my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
