Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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