Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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