Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
