Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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