She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
