Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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