I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize