okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
