Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im just a social blackout drinker.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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