were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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