i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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