did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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