you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
