I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
