we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
