I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
