New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
