I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
