I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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