my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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