Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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