the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
