Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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