Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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