He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
