Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
