you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
