I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
