Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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