I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize