It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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