the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
