I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This house was built for laser tag.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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