sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
