Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
