I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
