dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
