oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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