you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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