dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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