This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
