we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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