So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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