I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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