it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
