I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
