yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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