Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
