im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize