Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
