Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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