I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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