I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize