I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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