i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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