FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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