I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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