Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
