ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
